Yesterday I wrestled Joel Dow and Sean Fantigrossi.

Much of the experience is documented on Sean's Blog.(www.seanmusicking.blogspot.com, see entry: "Sean Fantigrossi vs. Joel Dow") Which is obviously fully endorsed/recommended by myself.

Worship.

I have been thinking about worship alot lately. The reason being, my church is sort of known for its bombastic music, and people seem to love it... but i usually am not comfortable there. I think it's extrovert worship music. Get up and stomp the devil music. shout and scream kinda stuff. In my personal life I've found worship to be deepest when the lights are out, and no ones watching. I heard Ron Sykes say once that just as a man and a woman's most intimate moments are behind closed doors, so should a mans relationship with God be. That when we go out to church,
to worship its an outward expression of love. Like taking your girl/guy out for ice cream or something. A public display of affection. But the real stuff, and indeed, the nuts and bolts of an actual relationship happens when no one else is around.

Which makes sense to me. But I guess the real problem I have is the distance between the outward and inward expression of worship. I think alot of times I equate the outward as the inward. Maybe because I have heard people say things like "that guy really worships". Lets think about that. Based a man's display of exitement, or fervor during worship, it certainly looks like he really is worshipping God. But what of the inside? Many times I compare myself to these "all out worshippers". That if I don't worship like them, then I'm worse off. Which obviously just isn't true. But it still gets to me sometimes.

Let me say here, however, that there are many people I respect who go nuts during worship. And that its my own inhibitions that keep me from expressing myself more fully during worship. I do hope to someday worship God however I want, without feeling every eye on me.

I'm starting to read a book about Worship in the early church. Hopefully it will help sort out some of the issues I have with my church. I really like the people there, and God certainly speaks to me there. I just want something a little more raw, and honest. I think there are alot of youth out there who want real spirituality. Not another church service. Not another worship song. Not another hundred eyes watching you as you find your seat.

But perhaps I'm putting to much pressure on my church. Of course it can't fufill my every spiritual desire. Of course it can't accurately express how I feel about God during worship. Only I can.