My Front, My Fashion, My Security.

One of the greatest feelings for me is change. Mainly because I am so bad at it. If I can change, and progress one bit, and become one bit better... its a big deal. I was up late talking to Jim and Cori the other night, and I compared who I was last year to who I am now. Many things are different. Which I like, but more importantly, the thing that is different about his year, is the conviction that God is directing at me. I've asked God to speak to me, in whatever way He wants to, and He has, but I nearly miss it everytime. I've been thinking about fashion, and I know god is saying something to me about my image, and about what I wear, how I act, and who I am.

Part of me, finds a strange comfort in the way I dress. I think dressing "indie" or "geek" or whatever, serves more than one purpose. Naturally, I feel comfortable wearing what I wanna wear, how I wanna wear it. And I'm fine with that. But another part dresses indie, (or whatever you call the way I dress) in order to have a style thats different, and above the common person. My Converse Weapons are hotter than some regular joes shoes. And my shirt that says "the chariot" scribbled in blue, is alot cooler than your metallica t-shirt, or your Gap tank top. I think a part of me dresses like I do, in order to feel in some way, better than others.

Fashion is definitely a security. A thing that easess my insecurities about how I look. And that bothers me. I decided a while ago that:

A) only my Creator can truly fufill my need for love on the deepest level, and that it is foolish to look elsewhere for any kind of self-worth, or healthy self-image. Why would I want my self worth to come from the compliments of women, from the security of a relationship, or from how I look, when only the God of the Universe can truly fufill these things?

B) Therefore, anything that is in the way from me getting all of my self-worth, and confidence, and security from my Father, should be cast down. Death to fashion, yes, but death to relationships as well. Death to flirting, acting, snobbery, gossip and slandering others to feel good about myself. How can I really grow, when I run to so many other things before God, to find my worth?

I should mention, that I think being comfortable with your appearance, being attractive to guys/girls, and being in a healthy relationship, are all things that are good, and that should boost your self esteem, and make you feel good about yourself. I don't think that their inherently bad or anything. I just think that many people see those things as the most important factors in determining your worth. And thats just not true.

And if it takes tearing yourself away from comforts to find out who you really are, well lets just do it.