Honesty has caught up with me.

I talk about God like He's not even there. Like he's not in the room. Like He can't read my Blog. I've sort of reduced Him to being real only when I think He is, and omnipresent, only when I'm aware of Him.

The only way I can get it in my head, that God is actually in the same room with me, is if I slowly turn my head, and imagine him in a certain place.

In the corner by the door. Down the hall. At the top of the stairs.

Last week, I did this for the first time, and for a split second, I beleived God was really there.

The actuality of God is something that is slowly dawning on me. He actually is there. No really. I know this is profoundly simple, but before I can know God, I need to know He's around. I need to beleive in Him as much as I beleive in the people He created, because currently, I don't. I think Jim is more real that He is. Just because when I talk to Jim, Jim talks back, right away, and in my language. And when I open my eyes, Jim is frigging visible. Its sad, but I need to first treat God like a person, (which is obscene!), before I can treat Him like the Creator of the Universe. Its like I have to work up to that or something. I just can't handle omnipresence right now. Not that I'm trying to limit God. God is still God. Its just now, I got a glimpse of Him being as real as Jim.

Now what would happen, if I were live like God is as real as Jim?

I went to church today.

It has been over a month, due to work, since ive gone, and it was a bit of a culture shock. I've been struggling with my faith lately. Well not really with my faith, I belive in Christ, and that he is the Son of God, so that parts good. But still, I have many, many, nagging questions in the back of my head that I want answers for. Alot of them have to do with church. Why do we do worship the way we do? why do we have the sermon a certain way? Why does my church have such a redicuously large facilty? Why are so many christians, seemingly detatched from this world, and utterly un-relatable? How come the Christian Church has become comercialized, and made pretty, and happy, and self-contained?

Tangent: I beleive that one of the reasons, that so many twenty somethings run from the faith that they once had, is because they had a shabby, christian bubble constructed for them. That they grew up "pleading the blood of Christ" and "asking for forgiveness" and walking in "fullness" and "living in grace" and even praying, without ever thinking what those things actually mean. They get the rough idea in their head and go with it. But when the proverbial number two hits the fan, they fall back on a loosely based beleif system. "Why the hell did my mom get cancer?" or "Whys dad dead?" can throw a rock through glass faith. And a decision you make, or beleifs you have that have not been thought out as to what you are actually doing, or actually beleiving, crumble when trouble comes. Been there.
End Tangent.

Back to me at church. So I realized how jaded I am. I didn't even want to listen to the guest speaker because he was talking about "financial freedom" and stuff like that. And I have huge issues with the church and money... that I won't get into now. I have about twenty walls up between me, and God using my church to speak to me, and to work in me. I'm fine with the Holy Spirit doing things. He can work in my spirit during worship, and speak through my friends, and my pastors just fine. But, when the pastor, or guest speaker, is just really cheesy, or is little...off, or I just don't agree with, or I feel im on the other side of the body than him, (like the toes in the body of christ, and he's the frigging hair or something.) well, just forget about me listening to God speak through that. Cause I just won't let that happen. And I see this as BAD. This is trouble. I realize that God gave me a brain that likes to think everything through, and thats who I am. But when I get snobbish and start picking and choosing what I'll accept as a worthy messanger of God's Word... well I can go too far.

I was at the book store with Andy today and we were looking at all the christian books n stuff. Well I see this Joice Meyer book, and I say to him "look at this! She called her book Knowing God intamately! I mean, Its obvious shes ripping off J.I. Packer! Goodness gracious!" I glared at the book angrily. And andy says, "Tom, I think your taking this jaded thing a little too far, I mean, Not even I go that far! and I'm Andrew Russo!"

And thats a terribly good point. He is Andrew Russo. I'm out of control. I need to stop critisizing the church, and freaking participate. "Why pluck just one string? what good is just one note? Well, one note is fine I guess, but we were all once one notes." (aaron weiss)
To all the people I thought suck, I'm sorry, I'll put that down if you'll put up with me some more. There are far more important things to do that to critisize my fam for not being my style. Lets get to that.

"Why play one note, when you can strum the guitar?"

That the heathen should hear, and then know

Paul Ganguly: but hey, if anyone's gonna have a computer that can do that
Paul Ganguly: it'd be me
Paul Ganguly: or maybe jeff
Tom Lake: yes
Tom Lake: or mebbe the illigitimate child of both of your comps
Paul Ganguly: yes
Paul Ganguly: like zack's computer
Paul Ganguly: that one really is our computer's bastard child
Tom Lake: hahah
Tom Lake: i was thinking
Tom Lake: what if eve (eve being paul's old laptop), met jeff brices comp
Tom Lake: then the child would be PC/Mac inbread
Paul Ganguly: wow
Tom Lake: yea
Paul Ganguly: and that that child would grow up to birth the
antichrist, as a half computer, half man abominatory hybrid of malice
and cold, calculating reason and logic
Tom Lake: the only thing capable of awakening the seven headed beast
Paul Ganguly: and riding it forth to the city of god's chosen people
Paul Ganguly: that the battle may ensue
Tom Lake: where our Lord will decend from heaven riding a white horse,
and the sword from his mouth shall slay the armies of the world
Paul Ganguly: where eve will bring down her own spawn, whilst I fight
nobly alongside
Paul Ganguly: and you dj
Tom Lake: it wouldn't be right if i didnt
Paul Ganguly: indeed
Tom Lake: just so the world could see you tearing the enemy to peices
while a killer mix of Sigur Ros andRJD2 plays
Paul Ganguly: I mean, who are we to say that you shouldn't?
Paul Ganguly: indeed
Tom Lake: exactly
Paul Ganguly: whilst weilding the bastard child of a slegehammer and an axe
Paul Ganguly: and you, with hot cocoa and ancient vinyl disc in hand
Paul Ganguly: doth rock forth the phattest of beats, wherein also
doing battle with the most ghastly of foes
Tom Lake: yes, but i would fight one handed, the other holding my
headphones up to my right ear, making sure the daft punk beat matches
the verse of Talib Kweli in the house speakers
Paul Ganguly: the enemy would stand naked, confused, and utterly defeated
Tom Lake: questioning its very meaning for existing in front of such
rightous warriors
Paul Ganguly: and your neighbor shawn would spring forth, shouting malicious
battlecries, with enraged utterances of marshmallows and godzillas.
Paul Ganguly: and fell the beast, in one mighty swoop of his mightily
enchanted wooden spoon of unrivaled justice
Tom Lake: clutching rubber squids, and fisher price keyboards,
demolishing any semblance of decency within miles
Paul Ganguly: that the enemy would flee at his hand, their courage
dashed at the edge of his mighty hand
Tom Lake: drooling purified caffeine, he belches forth a cry not
unlike that of the Power Ranger Dino-Stego-Zord
Paul Ganguly: followed bravely by Russo, riding atop el toro
Tom Lake: his frazzled scarf blowing in the wind
Tom Lake: his immaculate hair never quivering
Tom Lake: his voice bellowing commands in latin, because he can.
Paul Ganguly: swinging his mighty, bull headed belt as a knight doth a flail
Paul Ganguly: and shouting words far too large for the enemy to hope
to understand
Paul Ganguly: driving the hordes to fall upon their own swords,
understanding that there be no means whereby to defeat such an
unparalleled force as us
Tom Lake: the women among the enemy ranks throwing themselves at him
in hopes that in the breif moments left in their life, his eyes might
fall apon them
Paul Ganguly: that they may die happily, knowing that they, for one
brief moment, incur the gaze of the mighty russo
Tom Lake: the men in the enemy ranks, for the first time in their
lives, see a vision of masculinity that eclipses their own to such a large
extent that their testosterone turns to butter within



Tom Lake: and
Tom Lake: we're done
Paul Ganguly: I have to drink a protein shake, take a few laps around
the block, and then take a nap after that one
Tom Lake: absolutely
Tom Lake: this was excellent
Paul Ganguly: amen
Paul Ganguly: amen good sir

Despair, baby.

I am still uncomfortable. I go to bed at night kicking and screaming inside. I am rarely satisfied with my day, or with what I am becoming. This could be because I am very critical of myself, but there is alot to be critical of. I've found a lot of selfishness, lust, and hypocrisy in every corner. But I am very glad I did, because otherwise I would be running around trying to ignore it all some more. And thats just no good. Its very easy to recognize the wrongs of others, but to recognize and admit the wrongs I've done or the wrongs I am doing, well thats different.

Lets not waste tomorrow again. Lets kick it in it's teeth.

All friends, Unite! (Oh!)

So here is my idea.

I would like very much for everyone who happens to read this to participate by writing something about themselves, in this format. I'll demonstrate.

My name is Tom Lake.
And I am eating Pumkin Pie Ice cream.

No time to change.

So the weekend made me realize that some things need to change. Can't keep going like this. This is what makes mediocre people more mediocre. Things like this.

I came home tonight at 10:15. I talked with my dad till about 12:30. Now what I had planned on tonight, was doing laundry so I could wear somthing clean tomorrow. and clearing off a space on my desk so I could have a spot to read and write at. That didn't happen at all because I was catching up with my pops, and really just having a good conversation. (which doesn't always happen, sometimes he just talks about random stuff and I fall asleep)

Now this is my manifesto: That in the choice between clean laundry and my father, I will always choose my father. And If that girl next to me in class thinks I smell funny, she is just going to have to deal with it.

Painfully aware of failures.

Everynight I shove all the dirty laundry off my bed, set my alarm and say to myself that I will, in fact go to school and finish out the semester.

I also have been sorting through all kinds of biases I have. With certain aspects of the church for example. Why do I think worship music is so lame? Is it because I am out of touch with many of the feelings and things they say to God? Or is it because I am a massive music snob... And I HATE the way they sugar coat, deep, meaningful words of faith into little, digestable, dandies, that you can hum along to and clap along to, and forget along with the rest of jingles in your head. And am I, (as I suspect I am) missing out on things my Creator is trying to tell me because I am too busy sorting through all these biases, to actually listen to Him? Or is this all too compartamentalized? The church life tells me that God only speaks during 1) Sermons or 2) Worship services. And that most certainly isn't true. And I really do need to sort through all these biases in order to find out if certain things are actually wrong, or if they really do minimize Christianity into a pale reflection of what it actually should be. I mean, these aren't exactly bad things to be thinking about.

I am also, as the title suggests, VERY aware of many things that I am doing VERY wrong. Not the same big mistakes I made last year, but little new ones. I feel like im changing in good ways at times, but in the same day, or hour, I'll do something obviously wrong. I feel very black and white. Very right and very wrong.

And its very un-comfortable.

Winning at introspection, Losing at life.

Seeing as my blog has changed dramatically the last two posts, I feel the need to clarify some things. I am definitely not trying to preach, or teach, anyone anything. My thoughts on the Bible, or friendship or whatever, I don't really premeditate. I get what I'm thinking about in m head, and then start writing. It sort of helps sort it all out. After I write, I read it over and over again for days. It sort of helps me look at what I am or what I am (or was) thinking about more clearly.
Now the reason I post it on here, for all to see, is that I want all of my friends to know what I was thinking right then. I like the fact, that if I see you somewhere and we all hang out, and the conversation stays supercifial, or just casual, that you could go home and read something that I wrote thats not me talking about how good I look in these new pants. (dont you all just get sick of hearing that?) or about the last cd(s) I bought, or about how Jesse Smith's new band GODS's debut album is produced by a member of Scarlet. (does anyone really care Tom? No!)

Now the idea is not to seperate two different sides of me, serious and joking, but just to provide an outlet for my rants, or my introspective freaking musings.

Not that anyone was really criticizing my recent posts, but I know it's kindof weird and can seem fake, or pretentious here and there. But whatever. Muse on.

Unity isn't easy.

I was reading the Bible lately and found this:

(1 Cor 12)
14Now the body is not made up of one part but of many. 15If the foot should say, "Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body. 16And if the ear should say, "Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body," it would not for that reason cease to be part of the body.

I would like very much sometimes, to justify my grudges, and my problems with the various character flaws of my various friends. I have a habit of instead of working through things with friends, to just push them away until whatever they did to hurt me stops. Or until any awkward, or angry feelings dissolve. Then they can come back. The problem with this is threefold.

1) It never addresses problems head on, and never deals with issues with friends.
2) It prevents many relationships from growing more.
3) If the friend is a fellow Christian, I actually shut out a part of the body of Christ.

Imagine if the eye, out of hurt, or anger, just decided to ignore the foot, and not communicate with him anymore. The foot would soon end up getting stubbed, or stepping on something sharp without the eye to guide him. But both the foot and they eye would feel the pain. In fact the pain would shoot through the whole body.
I have a couple of examples of this. I had a Christian friend who I lost contact with a while ago. During that time, I found out he was involved in a bunch of sinful, and dangerous things. That hurt. To know that maybe if i hadn't lost touch with him, if I had kept him close, he might have made other choices. Many times we don't know what we mean to eachother. Guys especially are notorious for not telling other guys how much they value them. To me, losing touch with this person was a natural conflict of interest, that resulted in us not hanging out anymore. It wasn't a big deal, and to be honest I didn't even miss him that much. But to him, who knows? Was it a slap in the face? Was it rejection from a Brother who was supposed to be there for him? (probably)
Christians need eachother. We need eachother far more than we know. Me losing contact with my old friend may have been like the eye not talking to the foot. Without good, Christian brothers and sisters there for us, we fall. And without the courage to work through things with my friends, to talk to them about crap, or even to correct them, I will injure the body, over and over again.


21The eye cannot say to the hand, "I don't need you!" And the head cannot say to the feet, "I don't need you!" 22On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, 23and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor.
(1 Cor 12)

You put in alot of work to get good friends.

Its not easy to get through all the formalitys, and small talk, to actually get to know someone, and then to actually agree with, or relate to, or like them. I've been thinking about my friendships lately, because many of them have changed. Certain people have fallen off my map lately. Some of this is due to a new job, working evenings, and college. But thats just the surface. Different things in me are changing and I'm actually watching different relationships fade out, as others fade in. Some of them I don't mean to fade out. Others I do. There are alot of things Im trying to do lately. One of them is become more honest. The other is not put up with the wrong. And by the Wrong, I mean many things. I mean me laughing at jokes that poke fun at my creator, my savior, and my brothers and sisters. I mean watching someone pick on someone else, make fun of someone, or generally be a jackass. And also to go along with, and to form myself to others I'm around.
This is never easy. One of the things I love about my friends is that throughout time, we've worn a nice groove in our relationship. When we hang out, we know what will make eachother laugh, we know where we dissagree, and usually avoid those areas, we know what parts of us the other will accept, and which parts he will not, or won't understand. And so we stay, within what we've always known. I've noticed that how a relationship starts matters alot in how it will grow. With the friends I made in highschool I have a hard time moving on from who I was when we first met, or what our usual pattern was back then. We made our own path back then, and now that I have changed somewhat, theres an awkwardness between who they very well know I was, and who I think and beleive I am, or I am going to be. Im glad that many of my highschool friends have changed along with me, and grown in good ways.
Still, I do find alot of tension between who I want to be and what I want to say, and where the path in all my friendships leads. Its very hard to go off the familar topics, and boundarys. But in very small ways, Im starting to go off beaten paths, and start to mark out new ones. Its not much, but I feel good about different situations where I've stepped out. I have alot to say, and I'm tired of not saying any of it.
This isn't a "from this moment on, I swear to ect. ect" kind of thing, but this is how I feel, and what I'm thinking right now. something I normally don't write about.
Theres alot of relationships changing around here too. New friendships and groups are forming here and there, and people are sort of sorting themselves out. Romance has struck here and there and relationships are popping up again. The problem with new feelings for someone, is that it becomes harder to stay close to your other friends. I remember when 6 of our friends all paired off in youth group a while ago. They all dropped off the map for a good while. Heck I certainly did when I was in a relationship. Its the same with new friends. I've made some new ones and I found myself forgetting about my best friends to go hang out with them. What I'm trying to say, is its a shame we can't all just hang out together and be the family we were again. Not that I'm not a part of that, I'll admit to being responsable to a large part of the split. I can be a very bitter, hurtful guy. And when old friends and old feelings stab, instead of dealing with the problem, or the feelings, I often run the other way. Usually swearing all the way. Not the christian brother I would like to be at all. But it has happened. And new friends seem like the perfect antidote. No strings attatched, they don't know who I was, only what I tell them about me. The "honeymoon" of a new friendship (and I mean that VERY metaphorically) is always more exiting than the day to day misunderstandings, or old feelings or arguments coming up among older friends. Sometimes Im quick to forget how long my friends have been there for me. And I mean been there. Even when I was a complete jackass, or was obviously really screwing up, they were more or less patient with me. And their still here.
I have a very large moral compass inside me. I try to ignore it alot of the time, but when it comes down to it, I want to do whats right. Not just that though, I sometimes (though they be rare) want to do whats the Rightest Right. (now im making up words) And many times I look at others and am quick to analyze and judge what their doing. Thats easy, but when I turn what i see them doing wrong on me, it makes me much more uncomfortable. How could I talk to anyone about what I think about their relationship with so and so, when my relational history is filled with mistakes, that I was well aware of at the time? I've done the same or worse so many times, how can I judge? In fact the reason I am doing anything right presently has more to do with my pastor beating wisdom into me weekly, and my parents constant advice. Which is very humbling.

To end, I'm sorry I let friends fade. Im sorry I run from alot my problems.
and Im sorry I hold back.

So according to Russo, Woven Hand's new album comes out Nov. 2nd.

According to Jason Morehead (from opuszine.com), its really good.

here is a nice review of the album ("Consider the Birds") (also check out the reviews of The Arcade Fire, and Liz Janes, which are also interesting.)

Last night, Delusions of Adequacy, (one of my favorite online music zines) put on a show with a couple bands. It was at the Visual Studies Workshop, which turned out to be this ancient building that had a bunch of political documentary videos playing upstairs. Anyways, I was happy because I got to meet the guy who runs the site I visit EVERY DAY. (Because it reviews Five, yes five albums a day you fools) Unfortately there weren't many people there. I noticed that at the begining, but torwards the end, the quality of the music rose significantly, and it became a crime that more of my friends weren't there. I had no idea. I would have dragged more people there had I known. The openers were two little folk groups. They were alright, I was down with the lap steel and the whistle bridge that the band Hula provided. But then Saeta got on, and blew everyone away. Well they blew me and Joel away anyways. The band is a pianist, a celloist, and a guitarist, which gives them a unique sound from the get go. They were older than I expected, and have been playing together for five years. Their sound was rich, beautiful adult pop. Adequacy said "chamber pop music" but I like adult pop. They were able to conjur up feelings, and intensity I haven't felt in a live show since Unwed Sailor and frigging Ester Drang at Cornerstone. Absolutely fantastic. I told them that afterwards too. Then came the shocker of the evening. Tarantula. A band that sounded tame on the samples on the internet, but after the first song, me and Joel knew the truth. They don't play games. The band was a four peice, drums, guitar, violin, and cello. The guitarist and the celloist had a slew of effects pedals, which they used to actually enhance their music in interesting ways, rather than obscure it, or endulge in some unlistenable, artistic, feedback laden experiement. The drummer played a ton of other instuments, notably the glockenspeil, sometimes simotaniously with his drums. (which, yes, was sick.) The band's actual sound was a strange mix of classical, and progressive rock, with a lil math-rock thrown in here and there. They were all over the place, adding extra beats where shouldn't be, trading melodies between the violin, guitar, cello and glockenspeil. Starting polyrythmic showdowns between a cowbell, handclaps, and drums. Just in general doing everything right and nothing wrong. I was instantly pissed off that I hadn't dragged my friends here against their will. It really was, me and Joel later decided, one of the best shows we have ever seen in Rochester. Stuff like this just usually doesn't happen round here. There was a point during the night, where Racheal, was leaving and Joel either had to go or I would have to drive him home. I told him i would drive him, not realizing the sickness of Tarantula that we were about to see. Afterwards I told him that had I not agreed to drive him home later, and had seen Tarantula alone, it would have been have been the end of our freindship. How could I look at him again knowing that I held him back from that? Luckily I didnt. Luckily I only have to work for 3 hours this morning. I'll see you all later.

Forget what you thought you heard.

This post is for Paul Scota.

So there is a group called the Kleptones, I dunno if you heard em or not, but their four guys who do mash up albums... anyways they'd mashed a ton of Queen songs together with random Hip Hop songs and I couldn't find your email address so I figured Id let you know.

This stuff is hysterical.

the songs aren't edited, and i havent heard em all, so unless your a fan of Queen, and have a good sense of humour, or you are Paul, I wouldn't suggest it.

alot of the tracks are instrumental intros for other songs, so check out the see.mp3 (its grandmaster flash I think.) and the stop.mp3 (lil flip, its so funny)

Give Us Atlantis

I believe that one day I'll pick an unusually large flower, hold it in the air, and watch the pedals be plucked away by the wind. And the instant the last pedal is picked from the stem, the dopest of beats will drop, and echo throughout the surrounding hills and valleys.

That the ground would crack, and split before the kick and snares syncopated beatings. That underneath the ground would be pools of rushing water, surging and frothing to the beat. Darkness would fall on the fourth measure, and the stars would come out in time to the snare. That the thundering rhythm would summon every one of my friends, dressed in gray robes. They would surround a pool of water, and one by one dive into the deep. That I would be the last of them, taking up the rear, in a train of the people I love, swimming to our new home.

Its the little things baby.

Like that Gillette Aftershave Lotion you just applied to your cheeks, yes that feels great.

And that brand new shirt that Roberto gave you to wear at work, yes the one with your name embroidered on the front in cursive, with the three buttons, and the gray colour stylings.

The way it wraps about your torso like so. The way you muss up your hair and pose with the mop in the bathroom. With the broom in the storage closet. Or with no accessory at all, alone, just you and your tight gray polo shirt. In the dining hall, underneath the chandelier

Paul Scota

Get Ready To Feel Again.

The long white tablecloth hid me well as I enjoyed every lucious bite of its pink, frosted, vanilla pudge. Mrs. Fensen fussed and looked everywhere for it. Susie and Billy tried looking under the car, in the house, and even in the street.

This sucker is all mine.

The joy of the Lord is my strength, not flirtatious smiles.

Money matters so much to America. We have already built that Idol, now the church wants to help us "manage" it. "If you could not sacrafice to that Idol as much as the rest of the world, or maybe just not as often, then your doing fine."

Join in the discussion

Stop staying up late.

BadaRuski: What up T-rock?
BEAUTIFUL TOMBO: j bone is buuilding chill p rocks in my grill stones
BadaRuski: what's up, thomas?
BEAUTIFUL TOMBO: im bout to go do some homework andrew
BEAUTIFUL TOMBO: what are you doing?
BadaRuski: I'm gonna go to sleep and wake up painfully early
BEAUTIFUL TOMBO: dang andrew that doesnt sound too good
BEAUTIFUL TOMBO: but i may just join you in that early waking up thing
BadaRuski: no thomas it certainly doesn't
BEAUTIFUL TOMBO: not because i want to
BEAUTIFUL TOMBO: but because I can
BadaRuski: ahh I see
BEAUTIFUL TOMBO: and thats good enough for me andrew, thats just good enough
BadaRuski: a volition of the will, as it were
BEAUTIFUL TOMBO: yes, you old coot, what else?
BEAUTIFUL TOMBO: im no baboon
BadaRuski: just doing some reading
BadaRuski: for school
BEAUTIFUL TOMBO: haha
BadaRuski: tom?
BEAUTIFUL TOMBO: yes ive heard of this school
BadaRuski: really?
BEAUTIFUL TOMBO: im enrolled too apparently
BadaRuski: who is it?
BEAUTIFUL TOMBO: in a few classes
BEAUTIFUL TOMBO: it is a collection of rooms i hear
BEAUTIFUL TOMBO: with all sorts of old hats farting about
BadaRuski: seriously who is this?
BadaRuski: have you been getting in wine again?
BEAUTIFUL TOMBO: philosophical baboons and gamers alike
BEAUTIFUL TOMBO: they all join in this commune
BEAUTIFUL TOMBO: yea im in a rather tired mood
BEAUTIFUL TOMBO: the kind that makes me stupid
BadaRuski: tell me something only tom would know?
BEAUTIFUL TOMBO: rather than the other kind that makes me sexy
BEAUTIFUL TOMBO: hmm
BEAUTIFUL TOMBO: joy electric played synthesizers on the new squad five o record
BEAUTIFUL TOMBO: entitled "fast news breaking"
BadaRuski: I have no idea if that's true
BadaRuski: what rc sproul book is tom currently reading?
BEAUTIFUL TOMBO: the mystery of the holy spirit
BEAUTIFUL TOMBO: aha i am he!
BEAUTIFUL TOMBO: behold me
BadaRuski: ah ha
BadaRuski: at long last
BadaRuski: you have returned
BEAUTIFUL TOMBO: yes andrew
BadaRuski: we're such losers
BadaRuski: so today
BEAUTIFUL TOMBO: yes andrew
BEAUTIFUL TOMBO: do go on
BadaRuski: I almost made sam squirt beef out her nose
BEAUTIFUL TOMBO: oh mercy!
BEAUTIFUL TOMBO: thats incredible andrew
BadaRuski: she started laughing while eating a beef burrito
BEAUTIFUL TOMBO: oh man
BEAUTIFUL TOMBO: i owe you a sam adams
BadaRuski: you need some freaking sleep
BEAUTIFUL TOMBO: yea
BEAUTIFUL TOMBO: sam adams owes me one too andrew
BEAUTIFUL TOMBO: its all over town
BEAUTIFUL TOMBO: the posters, the sham
BEAUTIFUL TOMBO: yea thats it for us
BadaRuski: have you been getting into the family wine again?
BEAUTIFUL TOMBO: ive been fixing too for some time, but the baggy dodger keeps up in the shaft
BEAUTIFUL TOMBO: the air shaft of course!
BEAUTIFUL TOMBO: man
BadaRuski: he's been rodgering the fishwife, eh?
BEAUTIFUL TOMBO: in a fatherly manner andrew
BEAUTIFUL TOMBO: but non the less yes.
BadaRuski: you're saying Jim has been leading cows into and out of the barn?
BEAUTIFUL TOMBO: Whofore? james?
BEAUTIFUL TOMBO: not for a brass penny
BadaRuski: he's committed to the wholesale program then?
BEAUTIFUL TOMBO: hmm... he has missed a few meetings lately
BEAUTIFUL TOMBO: but its up 2 percent since the last
BEAUTIFUL TOMBO: speaking of which
BadaRuski: ahh, so his material wan't wasted on foreign investors.
BEAUTIFUL TOMBO: im going to eat a large chimicchanga and smoke a large bloated fat one
BadaRuski: smoke several
BEAUTIFUL TOMBO: how do you feel about that statement andrew
BEAUTIFUL TOMBO: aha you have bested me by replying befroe me
BadaRuski: or take them apart and turn them into one big one
BEAUTIFUL TOMBO: fair game andrew
BEAUTIFUL TOMBO: i will do both or neither
BEAUTIFUL TOMBO: but the first
BEAUTIFUL TOMBO: well you only live once right?
BEAUTIFUL TOMBO: yours truly, Thomas Michealangelo Lake
BadaRuski: well played

we'd beat the answers out of their high browed foreheads until they spilled out onto the floor, and like some mad pilgrims, dancing on grapes in a winepress, we would toss our bodies about, sending the liquid splashing onto their slacks.

We would hold such dangerous meetings, we would pull out all the stops. We would let the bus roll down the hill, Into a wall, into a pond, into the blasted city for all we care.

I would bend it backwards



I'll shimmy up this flagpole just the same. Swat down them birds as they fly by. Let them taste gravel just the same as me. In my shoes, making blisters on my feet.
I'll give it to their beaks, breaking and balancing.

if i had my way I would wrap my arms around you. Until you turned to salt, and me to pale stone. Until everyone could see what I've done to you.

Paul Scota is back.

get ready to feel again.

A mystery has emerged from the strange organism that is the internet.

Just now I checked my email, and I got an email from myself. From my address. I didnt remember sending myself a letter so I opened it. all it said was:

aaazzzaaazzzaaazzzaaazzz

and thats it.

I checked when it had been sent and it had been sent (creepy part) Four minutes ago. Paul Scota and Joel Dow were both here tonight... and Andy too...but I was with them when they were online. Who the heck sent this? Four minutes ago?
I will not sleep well tonight.
No I totally will...

God is bigger than the boogie man.

ps. if anyone has any "clues" as to who sent this, please comment.

I'm actually cleaning my room today. I'm going places, so don't hold me back, baby.
gimme some doggone room up in here. Show the Lake some respect in this. He deserves a bit.

One thing at a time, Suckers.

1) Sign up for classes at MCC (work out loans)

2) get a job.

3) change soaps. that one in the showers gives you a rash.

4) clean your room. (including the cat vomit)

5) Successfully mooch gas money off of parents.


Yes kids, being Tom Lake is that good.

So Sounds Are Active (LA based record label and home to Soul Junk) has a new website up, with all kinds of new stuff on it. Theres so much information, it will probably satisfy my musical nerd urges for a good month (I lie). Example: did you know that Slo Ro, is married to folk singer Liz James, and is producing her new LP, due out on Asthmatic Kitty Records soon? Neither did I till this morning! There are a ton of videos on the website as well, and apperently theres some sort of contest with hidden numbers in the various video clips. As if I wouldn't have watched every one anyways.
Sounds Are Active is one of my favorite labels, for the sole reason of having Soul-Junk and Bizzart on their roster (and dripping of bootleg, independent, pirate, hipster, cool). But now, as if every single one of my readers (single? one?) has not allready crapped their collective pants, the big news is that Sounds Are Active is co-releasing a compilation record with Asthmatic Kitty records. And its only a dollar. And it has, a new Soul-Junk track on it. I never thought I would ever hear a Sufjan Stevens song on the same cd as a Soul Junk track, but lo and behold, for only a dollar, I will hear just that. (Hold me) The track listing, because I know EVERYONE wants to know, is as follows.


Asthmatic Kitty Side
01. Sufjan Stevens - All Good Naysayers, Speak Up! Or Forever Hold Your Peace!
02. Half-Handed Cloud - Let's Build A Planet
03. Viva Voce - Red D-Lish
04. Liz Janes - Guitar Guitar
05. Castanets - I'll Be Just Where You Are
06. Sufjan Stevens - Happy Birthday
07. Half-Handed Cloud - Pressing Into It
08. Liz Janes - Vine
09. Viva Voice - Welcome Mat
10. Half-Handed Cloud - Here's A List
11. Sufjan Stevens - Year of the Tiger
Sounds Are Active Side
12. Deneir - Random Object Subject
13. Patagonian - Hands in the Face of Time
14. Xn. - gone home early (Omid Remix)
15. Vla Hemia - Break Loose
16. Soul-Junk - Nova (Evig Poesi Remix)
17. Bizzart - Pink Summer in Hell
18. Melk the G6-49 - Henry
19. Create(!) - Three Butterflies, Seven Mockingbirds
20. Constantine, Levin, Phillips, Schlarb, Shadduck - Two Planes for Elliot Smith

Even if you don't know, or care about any of the artists above, just look at all the words and try to imagine what each one sounds like. Odds are your probably right. Or you could go to Soundsareactive or asthmatickitty, and freaking find out.

Showering brings me together with myself. you know?

So my brother showed me www.explodingdog.com the other day and i was blown away. It's not a lame, flash cartoon site like it sounds, but its actually a strange, crappy artist who draws pictures for sentances that his fans send in. Sound stupid? it sometimes is. Its also at times, dark, funny, and in odd, small, little ways, moving.

One day I'll have a job, you'll see.

There is a new mewithoutyou song on purevolume.com called "January 1979". Its off of their upcoming album called "Catch For Us The Foxes". How wicked is that?

There is a sweet interview with Sufjan Stevens at PitchforkMedia.com
Sucker MC's everywhere are recognizing his songwriting skills that hopefully are starting to pay the dang bills.

It's like a dance.

but it gives more than it takes.
You'll lose time and energy but you will slowly spin inside.
Until one of your organs is facing another it has never seen before.
The gall bladder turns to find the stomach has been behind him all this time.
The pancreas meets the kidney.
you won't know this of course, you will just feel an odd sensation,
maybe an aching, or several small sharp pains.
as you innards shift, and meet their new friends, or enemies.

Then you might feel a tingle, or a small prick.
as something inside of you discovers his new best friend

has been behind him all his life.

So since ive been back to Rochester, I have seen the Village, and Napolean Dynamite.
My word. Go see these movies now.

1) despite what certain people (some but not all, residing in Illinois) say, The Village was very well made. The characters are well developed and the plot is very original. M. Night is one of the most consistent directors around. Respect him.

2) Napolean Dynamite redefines "off-beat comedy" with more quirk, and dry humour than anything else I've seen. (except The Royal Tenenbaums, and Punch Drunk Love) This movie is like a strange, little cousin to the afformentioned films, with a lead character that is the funniest thing to happen since ... the last really funny thing. Represent.

So I happen to be back.

Its very good to see the Rochester again. I had a garbage plate for the first time in a month and let me tell you, grease has never been so welcome, sliding down my throat, along with meat and patatos, and whatever else.

here is a link to a couple of photos of me in illinois, I will be adding others as soon as i get a scanner working around here.

Tom in Illinois

Let it henceforth be known, that I, Tom Lake will be home at nine. On thursday. So you, should totally be there. Obviously.

Some open questions to some of my friends:

J-Broc, J-Breeze, Juice, or Brice: When exactly is that leadership conference thing? i cant remember even though Mick called me and told me. I'm planning on leaving a few days before that. Oh and whats your livejournal address? or link? cuz i can't find it n stuff.

Andy: Do you have an email address that you check? cuz i definitly sent you an email to be read with your eyes n such. Much love.

The Preacher is absolutlly unstoppable.

He posted an article about charismatic Christians that needs to be read.

www.RealLivePreacher.com

(The Preacher does happen to swear occationally, while I don't reccomend swearing, It usually does not subtract from his messages, and to be honest, if my pastor has a problem with swearing, I would really like to know, rather than have him cover it up.)

(anyways check out the freaking site its earth shattering and every other great adjective that Paul Ganguly throws around like whatever)

To answer Andy's question, I commited a horrible sin today, and placed myself and many others in danger, perhaps causing your half of the heart to itch so bad. The sin was simple... I Tom Lake performed, and subsequently desecrated, the most sacred of suburban rituals. I drove a riding lawn mower, mowed my uncles entire lawn, and the back feild, while waving to neighbors and passerbys. I feel horrible about it. At the time it seemed so right but now it stings and stinks of sin.

im going to go shower.

An open, private letter to some of my friends

Jim: try not to suck.
Jeff: (black ver.) tie a knot in it. (kidding, i miss you dog.)
Jeff: (new brighter white ver.) Think of me when you write your first hip-hop mandolin song entitled "the stomp of western europe meets the tough part of the turkey leg".
Andy: my broken half of a heart is fading. and with it, my memories of you. Go to the bookstore for me, and for goodness sake just look at lakeshore for me if you go by there.
Sean: the first part of my letter to Andy will be the title of a new song. think about it. now sing it passionately. there it is.
Kate: I'm going to go camping in Iowa later this month. How could I not think of you, running into a golf store, seemingly stoned out your mind, yelling IM FROM IOWA!?!?!
Em: please go to lakeshore and tell the Decemberists new Ep "The Tain" that I will be back sometime later this month to purchase it with zeal. Please?
Paul: see my days are cold without you... and im hurting by and by, and i just cant seem to find my way back to you again. (the september equation cd is pretty good. its kind of like quirky, glitchy, skipping electronic micro-music. Nothing like Sufjan Stevens "enjoy your rabbit" junk which has been bumping here for a while... but still.)

Dear paul/emily/kate/andy: could ya'll post a comment and give me your addresses so I could send you guys some letters? that'd be swell. Look forward to hearing from all of youse. [not neccisarily limited to the friends mentioned above]

Hey you all.

I have totally, extremely made it to Rockford.
There are giant department stores and farms here.
almost back to back.
its crazy.
mad I tell you.
the locals have strange tastes in food, and humour.
But sweet mother do they drink good coffee.
i mean. this stuff is jamming.
so yea, i'll probably email you guys individually later, when i get this whole AOL thing worked out. and am not lazy.
stay tuned for day 2...

"the one that came after the first...."

Top Ten Reasons to Shop at Hot Topic
*some language is used here rather coarsly, just to let ya'll know, well worth it however.

Stop and think about how your two biggest toes, touch eachother.

Try moving them up and down, you feel that friction?

When you sleep tonight, think about weather or not you have the 1st toe on top, or the 2nd. Or do you have them side by side?

When your nervous, or anxious, do you fiddle with your first two toes? Just kind of wiggle them?

Doesn't that just irk the heck out of you?

I've been noodling around with some online games lately. I've discovered a genius game designer named On who runs a bizarre site called www.eyezmaze.com. He has some of the most original and incredibly entertaining games I've ever come across. The concepts alone are worth checking out. Heres a rundown of some of his stuff.

Tontie ver. B: a game that uses the number pad to the right of your keyboard to thwack one eyed tonties that pop up a series of trapdoors that correspond to the numbers. Absolutely addictive. I haven't come close to beating this thing.

Grow! : a game that consists of nothing more than a globe that you place objects on. Each object affects certain other objects, causing them to "level up" and morph into different things. You have 12 objects and each has something like 7 levels to get to. Good luck.

Zip Bear Town! : a site he made for some incredibly weird Japanese TV show or something. There's all kinds of weird things on here. A list of characters, movies, and games that are indescribable and entirely in Japanese, which makes them hilarious to play because it's mostly guesswork. I figured out how to play one of them sort of... but I don't know the name of it.
I dare you to click on this music video thing. Imagine if I made a cartoon about some care bear telletubbie. It would be much like this. God help us all.

Vanilla ver. B : A game where you stack these tree monsters on top of eachother every time you click on them from top to bottom. Where you click them determines how they lean... Should they sway and touch the wall, you lose. See how high you can stack them! yay!

The following was written on napkin and Microsoft Works by a Mystery Author.
I hope you all can appreciate the depth of content and meaning inherent in his/her work.

you may notice I now have comments enabled thanks to some fancy Html pasting by myself.

Please leave comments for the Anomymous Author to read. He/She would like feedback.

Thanks.

The Account of the Undeveloped hero and Hekaba
I
Hekaba of the dark tresses, your beauty withers as the sea of fallen heroes grows cold
Why offer to me this painted worm? My appetite refuses this meal, naked for courage and bereft of diginity.
Your ways take me to the low house, where my broken master awaits me
With a shriveled toungue and an empty heart he would make me his disciple

Bull, charge away the empty champion
Find the heron that brings peace and let it roost among your young.

Refuse the vicious Hekaba the path to her bed is littered with blood and drawn swords
Beetles sting at the ankles of your suitors, and the badger of wrath visits their homeland
Away upon Mt Ida, dwells a man who fell from his high horse into the snare of the ashen queen
His heart lies in empty funerary jars, and he is now a son to the broken master

II
Narcissistic beast, curse your inherited affliction
Punish the brute and shackle him
Become presentable to the grey-eyed Athene
Devoted to her ways your appetite will diminish as your chest soars

Tame the Stallion, make him servile, the success of your campaign rides on his obedience

III
Narcissistic beast, curse your inherited affliction
Punish the brute and shackle him
Become presentable to the grey-eyed Athene
Find happiness among her perched owls


My noble son, the daughter of Hektor loves you, her face is kind and her eyes see far
Become a tall man and wear your brothers shining helm, tall and shocking be terrifying toward the empty champion
Address the large square and lead the cube to action, sit as heart and head of shapes.
The Cult of Pythagoras is your enemy, do away with them, your moment of heroism awaits

IV
Sol Invictus is the folly of men, William of the great war cry has seen this

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You can hear a new song from Joy Electric from his upcoming album, "Hello Mannaquin"

you all should here this junk, as a huge fan of his I speak from experience when I say it is the royal jump off.

click here
ok i might as well say hi to paul...who'll be the only one clicking there. Whats up man.
good tune aint it? darn right. I'll see you at the party n stuff. You know.

As I Lay Dying Frail Words Collapse

Metal is getting old. It seems that certain elements are given in any new metal-core, violence-doom, or speed-math-death-core release. You can from the beginning assume that they'll have a skull on the cover of their album. No? How about the back, or on the CD? Still no? Then look at the label it was put out on... yep just as I thought. The Death Jury Record Company. Or Skull Blood Ditch Records. Or something like that, the point is the logo will have a skull on it, and it will be respected. Even though I find cover art on "hardcore" bands records' funny, (check out Haste The Day's cover art, I kid you not, a crying, goth-angel!) I still find myself checking the Z section at record archive for new Zao releases, and heaven help me if I find an Underoath cd, much less Sinai Beach. You really can't judge a cd by its cover, but you sure as shootin can talk junk about it on your blog. So anyways... now that I've thoroughly embarrassed myself, onto the music.

The third release from the over-dramatically titled As I Lay Dying, (It should be noted that its the title of a Robert Faulkner book as well.) finds the band joining the ranks of the other bazillion metal-core bands, while fighting for their own distinct sound. More times than not, As I Lay Dying succeeds and the result is some brutal, mathematically intimidating, music.

One of the things that immediately impressed me, was how tight the band can lock into their drummer's double bass pedal rolls. I mean, at times these guys sound like a machine. The first song, "94 Hours" opens the album and makes to buts about it. Starting with a lead guitar line that sounds like as metal as it is punk, the band within 30 seconds, has gone from a speed punk beat, to a nasty breakdown. This is a theme for the band, although they don't repeat a whole lot of things, they do like breakdowns, and quick changes and of course the double bass. As a result, the bands best songs are the shortest. The first 4 songs are not that short, but they definitely hold their own, until the albums fifth, and best track: "Distance Is Darkness" Clocking in at 2 minutes and a half, the song brutalizes its song structure, time signatures, and speed metal breakdowns with bombast. The guitars swell into another breakdown, and then build into a chorus that finds the vocalist singing some suprisingly erie and amazing lines as the band lays down an emotional, epic backdrop behind him. Trust me. This song is unbreakable.

The vocalist deserves mention here, as Tim Lambesis is willing to stretch his dynamic ranges across the boards from a low, guttural, growl to a high shrieking thing. He also can sing very well... which makes me wish he did a bit more.

I don't mean to be a yes-man music critic here, but this album is very good. If I hadn't heard Sinai Beach or Nodes of Ranveir (or Norma Jean) I would put them in the top 2 or 3 metalcore bands around. The thing that holds them back is 3 songs. There are three songs on this record that just don't do it for me. They just seem to repeat the boring parts of the song rather than the good parts. But 3 out of 12 ain't bad is it? No, it isn't you snob, so push your bifocals up your long nose, and check out the band the next time they play a show round heeah. (or for me, at cornerstone.) Shoot. Ya'll act like you own this place or sumtin.

Cd reviews: I decided I have to much pent up music talk to get out (or too much for my friends to listen to) so I am now going to start reviewing, or discussing different albums on my blog. I know I know...boring or same old same old... but tough. I need to get this out. And whoever stumbles across this can deal with it.

The Evan Anthem Prologue,
(Mono Vs. Stereo) 2003

The very first band on a brand new label, The Evan Anthem is Mono Vs. Stereo's first-born child, and bears the reputation of the entire record label on its shoulders. Luckily they step up to the plate with a darn good debut, Prologue rarely disappoints as Evan remains interesting and indie enough to get me to listen to the disc constantly for the last couple days. If I had to throw them in a genre I would say indie-rock, with slight emotional tendencies on a couple tracks (not a bad thing, you snob jackass) While indie rock is a large and confusing category, The Evan Anthem remain firmly in the rock side and are capable of weaving pop melodies, emo yelps, and straight up rock into something strangely original and catchy as all get out. But instead of going overboard with their emo leanings, or indie experimentalism, they tread the mean of the two, experimenting with electronic drums and spoken word manifestos here and there, but dishing out the frigging jams most of the time. Anyone whose into groups like Thursday, The Beautiful Mistake, will find much to like here.

Most groups who are in anyway involved in emo can get embarrassingly melodramatic at the drop of the hat, causing all your friends to call Dashboard and TBS whiney, over emotional disasters. The Evan Anthem is the balance for them, practically oozing with indie cool, and practical solid lyricism, they never do anything that's cliche or popular, but rather try hard to do their own thing. Which you could argue is just as pretentious as the bands that try and fit into a trend. But in the long run, originality is never a bad thing, weather its pretentious or not, The Evan Anthem would rock the basement show below your local record shop or Laundromat any day of the week. And before you knew it your snob rear end would have a tight T-shirt on with the Evan Anthem and like a picture of a lamp on it.

One thing that surprised me about the disc is that the songs aren't easy to figure out. Sometimes I have no idea what their talking about. They sing their hearts out on "End Script" to someone they apparently have not met, but would like to. Or maybe they have. They really can't decide. On the last track: "A collection on interesting beginnings" the band has two spoken word sections about the republic training people for the good of the nation or something. It sounds like some presidential address set to rock music.

The best tracks are in the first two thirds of the disc, leaving it feeling a lil off balance, but still hot. The album opener, is a one verse intro with just vocals and piano. They eventually break into group vocals and electric drums for a minute, and then give way for one of the strongest tracks, "Goodnight, Good fight": another song that's confusing lyrically, but communicates it's frustration and tension through its music. There's a lot of musical tension and emotional tension going on throughout the disc regardless of whether their singing about how they have or haven't changed in the past year, or about someone who acts like a pro, and pisses them off. (if your a bit confused, so am I) The EA rarely tell you the whole story and in true indie fashion, leave you to put their lyrical sentiments into some sort of cohesive statement or story...Or whatever.

All in all its a very interesting listen, has a few odd supprises tucked in here and there. (African inspired vocal harmonies? Electronic drum fills? What?) Indie geeks best be respecting.

So I've decided to keep all three of you up to date on the nerdisms I've encountered online. this particular one is probably worse than kaiju and any music nerd site put together. Lord of the Rhymes
Its a hip hop group staight outta middle earth. Watch in horror as an ent gets ill on the mic, or be amazed as gollum beatboxes in a loincloth.
whatever. just don't support these geeks in any way. it would only encourage them.