Painfully aware of failures.

Everynight I shove all the dirty laundry off my bed, set my alarm and say to myself that I will, in fact go to school and finish out the semester.

I also have been sorting through all kinds of biases I have. With certain aspects of the church for example. Why do I think worship music is so lame? Is it because I am out of touch with many of the feelings and things they say to God? Or is it because I am a massive music snob... And I HATE the way they sugar coat, deep, meaningful words of faith into little, digestable, dandies, that you can hum along to and clap along to, and forget along with the rest of jingles in your head. And am I, (as I suspect I am) missing out on things my Creator is trying to tell me because I am too busy sorting through all these biases, to actually listen to Him? Or is this all too compartamentalized? The church life tells me that God only speaks during 1) Sermons or 2) Worship services. And that most certainly isn't true. And I really do need to sort through all these biases in order to find out if certain things are actually wrong, or if they really do minimize Christianity into a pale reflection of what it actually should be. I mean, these aren't exactly bad things to be thinking about.

I am also, as the title suggests, VERY aware of many things that I am doing VERY wrong. Not the same big mistakes I made last year, but little new ones. I feel like im changing in good ways at times, but in the same day, or hour, I'll do something obviously wrong. I feel very black and white. Very right and very wrong.

And its very un-comfortable.