Honesty has caught up with me.
I talk about God like He's not even there. Like he's not in the room. Like He can't read my Blog. I've sort of reduced Him to being real only when I think He is, and omnipresent, only when I'm aware of Him.
The only way I can get it in my head, that God is actually in the same room with me, is if I slowly turn my head, and imagine him in a certain place.
In the corner by the door. Down the hall. At the top of the stairs.
Last week, I did this for the first time, and for a split second, I beleived God was really there.
The actuality of God is something that is slowly dawning on me. He actually is there. No really. I know this is profoundly simple, but before I can know God, I need to know He's around. I need to beleive in Him as much as I beleive in the people He created, because currently, I don't. I think Jim is more real that He is. Just because when I talk to Jim, Jim talks back, right away, and in my language. And when I open my eyes, Jim is frigging visible. Its sad, but I need to first treat God like a person, (which is obscene!), before I can treat Him like the Creator of the Universe. Its like I have to work up to that or something. I just can't handle omnipresence right now. Not that I'm trying to limit God. God is still God. Its just now, I got a glimpse of Him being as real as Jim.
Now what would happen, if I were live like God is as real as Jim?
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our new stereos, our confounded desires, our obvious answers, our dreams made flesh.
This is a place where i talk to you, and only you, sweet reader.
(here is where we dance and drink of the milk and honey that is the english language.)
7 comments:
A couple of points and suggestions to share and encourage you: if I may be so bold:
First of all, you're a human, and while you were created to be aware of God and be INTIMATE with Him you are still human, and the feeble part of you're humanity cannot understand God, you just can't always with your mind understand how big He is and that He's everywhere. God is well aware of this fact as well. You're flesh is flesh, and you're mind is part of your flesh. That's why Jesus said you need to worship in spirit(lowercase) and truth. Now don't get all frustrated and stop reading. If you believe in Jesus Christ and have accepted His sacrifice as your own you have a spirit, and it sounds like it's being stifled, but it's there, and that's the place you intimately know God. Don't look at your experiences and start to self-doubt and compare to others because introspection is going to hurt you, it just is. In Hebrews it says to "look unto Jesus, the author and finisher of your faith." implying that you need to look away from yourself and seek Him, quiet your soul Tom, it may take time, but settle down your soul and seek the face of Christ no matter how hard and lonely it gets. He knows what you need before you ask, every circumstance of your life and all that comprises all of it. You feel very alone, and thats obvious, but in you're mind can't you at least see that God is well aware of your struggle at this moment? He wants you to be aware of His prescence without too much struggle, thats why you were made. Ask Him what He expects of you, draw near and He will. Ask Him to show you what is holding you back because you can't even figure that out. In all of your examining, have you come to any place of peace? He knows what you need, He wants for you what you need because He's your Father and He loves you, and made you to know Him through His son's sacrifice, and I'm aware you've heard this song and dance before but sometimes its good to come back to basics. If you want to know Him more, you need to shut up(I say this in the most loving way, because I, too, love you) and seek Him, and that can be scary, BUT HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF GOD LEGITIMATELY LETTING ANYONE DOWN?
I hope you are encouraged, I love you, He loves you and cannot forget about you, seek Him. God bless.
Tom you're going through a very healthy stage of adjustment and change. All types of change invoke questioning. You should embrace it! It's ok if you don't experience the 'Lord's Peace' (whatever that is), it's a good thing to be shaken up once in awhile. I'd encourage you to continue questioning, even if you don't find all of your answers it's the pursuit that's important. Thinking that you can come to a point where you have all the answers or you always feel God all the time is foolish and unrealistic. Having the attitude to be that way and the desire to strive is what's so important. The true grace of Christianity is that's it's ok to fail, but it's not ok to stop trying.
-Russo
hey uhh, imagination is God-given?
i think thats right
sometimes you have to picture him there, nothing wrong, imagination is part of your spirit man?
No one ever has all the answers, i agree with both top posts, russo and anonymity man
To the un-named one: Thanks for the encouragement man (or woman, but im pretty sure its a man...[no offence ladies]) Your thoughts were very insightful, and helpful. I actually printed up what you said and read it over a couple times to really get it. Thank you. I'm glad that my meanderings on this blog have inspired some response from the ppl that read it. And what a response!
Thanks Andy and Paul for caring, AND sharing. I feel like im growing in some small ways, and it feels strange, and uncomfortable, and wonderful. I'm glad your all my friends. Stick around.
Do more music reviews.
I can never resist that kind of request. the kind about music that is....
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